Just cropdusted the office
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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