I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
