I hate all girls vehemently.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
