why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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