So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
