your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
