i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
