I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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