Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
