bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
