About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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