Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
