Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
