We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
