That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
