Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
