Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
