Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
