Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
