I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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