Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
