On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
