Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
