I smell stomach acid.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
