she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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