I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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