Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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