Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We got so high we made milksteak
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
