last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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