just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
