My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
