if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
