He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
