Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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