Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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