I cockslap morals
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
