oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
