Please, let me fuck your mom
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
