Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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