i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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