She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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