Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
smell my finger.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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