At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
