Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
