My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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