My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
