you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
