She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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