dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
