She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
