In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
