After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
